Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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