So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he thought i was a dude.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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