The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
