Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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