I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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