just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
