i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
