I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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