i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
