i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
