Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need to calm my uterus...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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