my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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