So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
