She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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