are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
