Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
