Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
