My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
