Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
