I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
dude. I can hear the air.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
