She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
how drunk are you?
Several
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
