I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
