so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
