I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someone shattered a urinal.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
