I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
