I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
