just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
