Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
