I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
