Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
