I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
