I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
