My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
