You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
