Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
