dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
