Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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