Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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