i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
