I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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