I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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