I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
