i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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