You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
