I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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