More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
