Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
