and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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