Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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