I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
