...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
