Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
