I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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