I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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