If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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