Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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