I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
