If that was your dad, he is hot
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
