Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
