So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
