i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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