Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
