she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
