I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
