all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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