I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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