i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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