I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
