Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
