Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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