living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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