This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
