My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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