Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
