he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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