Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
